Well, this weekend was certainly a mixed bag.
On one hand one of my family's favorite past times is jet skiing. My husband shares ownership on a pair that have been in disrepair for awhile for a number of reasons and recently we were able to get them fixed. That has been a cause for great rejoicing. For my husband because he loves to go, for the kids because they love to go, and for me because I can see a definite benefit for my husband when he gets to do things like this (You know the old proverb about Jack and all work and no play and all that) and because while everybody else gets to go I stay home in a quiet house and do my own puttery type things. So that is a good thing.
The bad thing is that while jet skiing somebody broke into my husband's van and stole his wallet, his phone, tools, blah, blah, blah. I'm not sure if the monetary loss is even as bad as the headache of replacing all this stuff and the loss of all the business contact's phone numbers and people at present not being able to get a hold of him via his business # and all that rigmarole. Ugh.
This summer-actually, this last year, there have been things that have really kept me stressed out. I find myself almost whimpering, begging God not to destroy us, praying, praying, but not the good kind, the kind of a trusting child looking to her Father for help, but the kind of a fearful, servile slave, not expecting anything good, expecting every miserable prophecy my gloomy nature can produce... Writing it down seems so.. stark.. but that's how it goes.
Finally I was walking up to the store the other day and God and I had a good talk. About how when I was young and everyone told us if we had more than two children, home schooled, did the things we thought we needed to do to walk in obedience to God, that we didn't listen. We believed God was our help. When they said, "Well, you know, folks can't live on one income these-a-days" We didn't listen and believed God was our help. And God HAS been our help. He hasn't let us down yet. Where did my spunk go?
About how I used to see change as adventure. How I was eager for what ever was next, how I eagerly looked for His direction, His plan and not my immediate circumstances to define my future and what He could do.
When did I get so fearful? When did I get so.... Pasty???
Then He showed my a picture of a trailer in a trailer park. "There", He said. "If I took your house, everything you own and there you are in that trailer, but you can still teach your children, love and train them, love your husband, know my presence, would that be so horrible?"
No, really, it would not be. It would be hard, but I could do it. It wouldn't be the end of the world.
So quitcher whining.
I really feel like a corner was turned for me. And the proof of that was that when all that stuff was stolen from my husband I didn't freak out. I thought, "well, we'll see what God is doing here."
And that was my mixed bag weekend. :)
(Oh, and as a PS, it isn't like we are in foreclosure or anything..It's just how those fears come to a person in the night.)