Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I'm not trying to come down on people who have used and advocate this model, I'm really not. I hope it doesn't seem that way. I know godly people who believe it is good for them.  I guess I've just experienced the frustration of seeing it as a standard that somehow we are supposed to live up to and not seeing it fit into real life. It does seem like it would make everything really simple. And it holds out a sort of promise of shielding our children from heartbreak and sin, though I'm not sure it can totally deliver on that.

And it isn't always the most conservative people who are the most judgmental. Sometimes people have a certain standard because they sincerely want to do right. They aren't always looking over at you and thinking things.

I want my kids to be established in godly marriages. I want them to be established with partners that want their family life to reflect the glory of God. I want them to desire to BE godly, not just look godly. I want my kids to desire godliness in their own right. I want anyone who marries them to want to be godly. I want it all to be real, not just living up to appearances.

I guess the last thing I will say that I'm concerned is when we are so concerned about sin, or that our kids are doing things "right" (according to the model, not scripture, that is.) that everything gets over analyzed and a standard is set over other people's children about how they are measuring up to some model. It is wrong to make a person feel ashamed of something (like talking to someone she/he has permission to talk to) if there was nothing to be ashamed of going on. It is wrong to back talk or cast suspicion on a person's character because they aren't measuring up to your model. This is wrong. Someone should not be condemned according to anything but the Word of God.

People are people. They aren't going to fit into your slots. Our kids are people. They should be treated like human beings with their own minds, feelings and sense of dignity.

Just because people don't do things the way you are doesn't mean they aren't being thoughtful and careful.

So many of us just bumbled into marriage. We are all trying so hard to do better by our own children. Many of us have more examples of what not to do than what to do. But God has been faithful to us and He loves our kids more than we do. We shouldn't act like any little mistake is going to ruin their lives forever.

1 comment:

  1. well, that was a long read and I sense some deep seated anger here---no, no, I am kidding!

    I'm on the opposite side here tho--meaning my oldest is 17 and very much MALE. His priorities at this point are basically finishing high school (by fall--he just turned 17) and getting a nursing degree. (with the end goal being nurse practitioner--he'll work thru that.)

    We've had a lot of discussion about courtship this week in fact. In our circle, an 18yo guy had gotten permission to email occasionally with a 16yog also from our circle. My son became aware (they work together) that the guy was most certainly NOT sticking to the agreement and was saying things most certainly premature. So. I told his mom. after much deliberation. And it was right and I'm hoping someone would tell me in a reverse situation.

    My guys *plan* to wait a while. They don't want to look around too much at this point as they want to maintain their focus. They know their vocation is important. They could have to do that work the rest of their lives and to God's glory. Maintaining focus is not as easy when *love is in the air.*

    that's my side! Zeke has said if he thought he had found 'her' than courting would be all right once he's done some college. We both agree that engagements do not have to be so short.